Paper # 3

Communication: The Power to Mend and Tear Down Relationships

Communication is the key foundation in every relationship and plays a large role in the exchange between people. The exchanged information can come in the form of ideas, wants, desires, and feelings.  When communication is stopped or incomplete it can cause a block or rift in a relationship.   Communication or the lack thereof is the root of most relationship problems.  It is just as important to communicate your message as to ensure the correct message is being received.  Communication is more than just spoken words.  It is verbal, mental, and physical.  In the “Hills like White Elephants” by Ernest Hemingway lack of correct communication will result in being the demise of Jig and the American man’s relationship. While misdirected communication in the “Interpreter of Maladies” by Jhumpa Lahiri prevent Mr. and Mrs. Das marriage from being repaired.  Both of these relationships have different types or problems in communication but they both cause a rift or block in the relationships.

In “Hills like White Elephants” there is a communication problem caused by an unexpected pregnancy.  Jig and the American man have much difficulty conveying how they truly feel about the situation they are in.  Rather than telling Jig he does not want a baby, he manipulates the situation.  Firstly by making her feel like he will always love just her by saying, “I don’t want anybody but you”( Hemingway 97), and then by downplaying the abortion.  “It’s really an awfully simple operation...not really an operation at all”(Hemingway   42).  He chooses his words very precisely and carefully in order to make her think his decision was the correct.  In her attempt to persuade him that they should keep the baby, she tells him how unexciting and monotonous their lives have become.  “That’s all we do,isn’t it-look at new things and try new drinks?”( Hills like White Elephants 30).  Unlike the American man, she is not assertive and is timid when trying to get her point across.  When she tries to show the benefits of the pregnancy, he ignores her and keeps pressing the issue of the “operation”.  They never come to a conclusion about what to do because neither persons actually listen or try to understand the other’s point of view.  This story is a conversation between two people, but not much was really spoken or heard.  

In “Interpreter of Maladies”, Mrs. Das has a different problem with communication than Jig and the American man.  She does not have a problem expressing the way she feels and communicating it.  Her problem is her intentions behind her reasoning for communicating with others.  Mrs. Das feels like she is in a loveless marriage.  She feels like her life is a disappointment due to getting married in college, having kids, and not being able to have a career of her own.  She uses this as an excuse to put down her husband and to negate the responsibilities of motherhood.  Her actions are starting to weigh down on her and causing her pain, a pain she thinks only affects her and only her.  As she begins talking to Mr. Kapasi she sees a way out of the pain.  She misconstrues  Mr. Kapasi’s job as an interpreter and thinks he can heal her.   “I told you because of your talents”( Lahiri 65). She treats him like he is a priest, the car is a confessional, and she is here to confess her sins.  By telling him about her affair, she thinks he will grant her absolution and make her pain go away.   He does the exact opposite by asking her, “Is it really pain you feel Mrs. Das, or guilt?” ( Lahiri 66).  She will have to reflect on her actions and what she has done.  She will not gain the resolution she thought she was going to.  He shows her the true nature of her problems which is her guilt.  When Mrs. Das does not get the answer she wants, she gets out of the car and joins her family.  She never wanted to truly communicate with Mr. Kapasi about her past and what was going on in her life and how to fix it.  She wanted a quick fix to not feel guilty anymore and move on.  The only person who can give her absolution is her husband.  

Anthony Robbins said, “ The way we communicate with other and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”  The better we communicate, the better one’s life will be.  Better understanding someone’s emotions, leaves less risk for miscommunication and one will know how to respond appropriately.  In order to communicate well with others, one must communicate well internally.  By obtaining self understanding, we can explore all our feelings and the reasonings behind them.  After one has achieved self understanding, communicating with others will be much easier.  Effective communication includes active listening, engaging wit the person your listening to and responding appropriately.  A lot of positive things come from good communication that effect both your personal and professional life. It can bridge one’s relationship together.  Good communication is the core of intimacy and without it one will never fully know your partner.  It will leave one more relaxed, satisfied with life, and having more self control.  In the professional aspect it will make a person more successful.  In the 2002 Teaching of Psychology Journal, students were asked what their most important skill obtained in school.  The response was interpersonal skills.  Someone with these skills understand other’s feelings and wants, and that is something that jobs look for in a person.  

As seen in both stories, there was much error in communicating.  In “Hills like White Elephants”, both characters spoke but nothing was really said.  If Jig told the American man her honest feelings about keeping the baby countless things would have occurred.  He could have realized that he needed to step up and be a father, and Jig might have gotten the family she truly wanted. He also could have wanted nothing to do with the situation and left her.  The American man should have told  Jig how he did not want the baby and she could make her decision off the truth.  By not addressing the true issue, Jig would have kept the baby thinking she would have a family.  When in reality, he might abandon her.  In the “Interpreter of Maladies”, Mrs. Das uses her form of communication to act as a confession of her sins.  If she communicated properly to her husband a long time ago their marriage might be salvageable.  Her self-centered attitude and pride get in the way and she uses a lonely cab driver to try to get rid of her pain and be happy.  Anthony Robbin’s says the better our communication, the better quality of life we will have.  If Jig and the American man would have communicated better, they could have had a beautiful family together or gone amicably their separate ways.  If Mrs. Das would have put her selfishness and pride to the side and spoke with her husband, then her marriage would have been possibly saved.  Both stories are about people who are not satisfied with the quality of their lives and try to do things to change it. They use manipulation, pity, isolation, and ignorance to try to take the dissatisfaction out of their lives. When all along, all they really needed was better communication.